6 years

6 years ago today we went on our last vacation with Karissa. I didn't take many pictures of our vacation and the ones I did take just break my heart into a million tiny little pieces, especially the last one. I was hesitant to even post it. Karissa looks miserable and like she is in so much pain. Little did I know that a few days later she would be free from all her pain. That I would wake up on the morning of July 8th, 2008 and find that my sweet little angel was gone. Healed. Free from seizures. 

It has been almost 6 years since Karissa's death but yet it feels like an eternity. A lifetime ago. This past weekend I was with a friend of mine who also lost a child and I told her that it feels as if Karissa was never even here. It felt so strange to say it. Surreal. 

It's weird how the passing of time brings with it such a change of emotions. Different emotions. Ones that I never thought I would feel 6 years later. My thoughts are such a blubbering mess right now that I can't even begin to explain what I am trying to say. Ugh. I spent some time a few moments ago looking at my old blog, www.thegreekmama.blogspot.com  and some of my blog entries around this same time of year. I have come so far in my grieving/healing process and although time will NEVER heal my wound, the sting has definitely subsided. 

6 months

Happy 1/2 year birthday my sweet little bug! I love how much more curious you are becoming! I love how happy you are and I love how you crinkle your cute little nose when you smile and giggle. You haven't starting crawling yet but can definitely make your way around the room, especially when it's a toy you're after. You love your brothers more than ever and are so amused by them. They are amazing at keeping you entertained and helping me out when I need something. You are really enjoying your solid foods...avocado, sweet potato, banana and squash thus far. I am excited to try more new foods with you and I have enjoyed making all of your food, just as I did with your big brothers. You are able to sit in a high chair at restaurants now. So fun! I am really enjoying this stage of your life but I do wish life would slow down just a bit.

~Crinkle nose~

Mother's Day 2014

There is never a dull moment being a momma to my 3 wonderful babies! They are so full of life, energy and curiosity. I love watching them grow and learn. I am blessed to get to be their momma. 

~The boys enjoying their cotton candy 

flavored ice cream on Mother's Day!~

5 months

My sweet, smart and funny little girl, you make me smile, even if you are a terrible sleeper. This month was filled with many fun milestones. Even though you won't remember, you got to see snow for the first time. Turns out you are a good little traveler, too. You did well on your first airplane ride, even if it was a short flight. Your bottom two teeth came in, one just after you turned 4 months and the other at 4 1/2 months. You started to sit up unassisted for a few seconds at 4 1/2 months but now, at about 5 1/2 months, are able to sit up completely on your own. You are starting to get into a crawl position although you haven't figured out how to crawl just yet. You love to be the center of attention and voice your disapproval when we leave you alone in your room to play. You are able to work to get a toy that is out of reach and object when a toy is taken away. You like when I play peek-a-boo with you. You love to study your tiny little hands and are mesmerized by the world around you. At your last pediatrician appointment, the doctor said you were very 'purposeful.' I think this word describes you perfectly.

Creating new memories

We recently spent an entire week at Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah. It was amazing! We ate well, and by that I mean, we ate whatever we wanted and didn't care, skied for 4 days, went sledding and created tons of fun memories with our family. We stayed in a beautiful condo that was right across from the ski lifts. Mark's parents went with us and were amazing in helping us out with the kids while went skiing and also cooking a lot of the meals. The trip would not have been possible without their help!
For me, one of the most memorable parts of our trip was seeing Preston and Ethan's little faces light up the day we took them skiing. It was even more fun when they actually realized that skiing involved more than just going outside and playing in the snow. Ethan was quite the little daredevil and wanted to "go fast down the hill." It took Preston a little longer to get comfortable on his skis but once he figured it out, he had a blast.
Our trip brought back many memories of Karissa, too. In 2008, Mark and I, Karissa and my parents visited Park City for a week. We took Karissa tubing on our vacation and decided we'd take the boys during our most recent trip. It had been six years ago since we played in the snow and went tubing at Gorgoza Park in Park City with Karissa. We had such great memories but it was bittersweet as it was the last winter of her life. We tubed down the very same slopes with our boys as Kaelynn and grandma and grandpa watched. Creating new memories with my family, although bittersweet at times, has helped me in my healing process. I am defintely grateful for that!

~Tubing with Karissa at Gorgoza Park~

~Our first morning in Park City~

~Our first attempt at making a snowman~

~Grandpa Ashley grillin' up some grub as
the boys played in the snow~

~Our second attempt at building a snowman~

~Our snowman Mr. Frozen~

~All bundled up for a walk in the snow~

~Preston taking a break from skiing~

~Shopping and lunch in downtown Park City before tubing at Gorgoza Park~